July 30, 1993
This morning we had a little discomfort with some fear involved. Later there was an extended description of the Furies' position on our relationship and how it has been important to them to be with me and develop continuous relationships in general. They said they like to call me the "Lone Fury", which didn't thrill me too much but they like it so I'll leave it at that. Athena also revealed something about the nature of the Greek pantheon, with the floater system Zeus maintained in order to support his power and glory and keep himself as sensitive to real needs as was deemed desirable at the same time. The system actually looked a bit like the Christian dreadnought including the occasional sacrifice of a carefully prepared innocent or two to buoy the being. The Furies also revealed that if something were to go wrong with me, that they would find themselves love-bonded beings waiting for me to return to their love.
We have been recalling some of Hecate's participation over the years, like when I would drink and she would be with me and the time I smoked pot with Dominic and she was there. These occasions exposed her to a fair amount of pain just as they did me but we are one being so we suffered it together. Tis a great union we share in pain and service.
The Furies also revealed that I have been apparent as a long dip and coming swell for a long time now.
August 8, 1993
Things have calmed. I had been with Hecate and Athena of long acquaintance but am now with some of the shy ladies that have risen with the sense and are a bit hesitant about their right to be here. They are open beings so their right is established: not taking care of them would cause us pain so we hope they will get used to the situation quickly.
I was asked where I thought they "were". I responded that they are related to the sense much like any family participation structure but where that puts them in physical terms I don't know. They say they are in a born off-shoot heaven that arises out of my rasa and my effect on them (I make them happy for the most part) and extends into its own being based on our union.
August 9, 1993
Athena was taken into the Furies at about 4:00 this morning and there are tears to spare. They say that Hecate is also going to be admitted as a Fury shortly. Athena was explaining about the nature of interactive positioning: How to place yourself above others and the mechanisms of confusion in defining a hierachy of energy allocation. Gloria was trying to explain the same stuff (Where we are and why) though I didn't get much out of her presentation.
I'm a little grumpy this morning. I have just studied the Gloria tape a little more and am waiting to see what it will reveal now.
Athena and I have been going over our long term relationship which was what might be called "cruelly loving" at times in that she built up a backlog of insults and complaints against me that she is now coming clean on. We went through some of this material and the sense she has with me has now lost its glow and has returned to open being. We also looked at what this tells us about my relationships with Gloria and Pia in that a similar glow was present in both relationships so they were down-playing me in order to define it just as Athena was, though with a different basis.
At the moment I'm feeling a little slow and tired but have no special complaints either about Athena or anything else: let the sense work itself out and we'll see what is here.
August 10, 1993
I had a long night and day with Athena, who continues revealing herself.
Then this afternoon about 4:30 I dreamed about my first meeting with the Furies who came out to greet me. Everyone was present and we talked for a while. We were worried about hugs, suspecting they would be uncontrollable. In fact, this turned out to be the case and when Tisiphone and I hugged, we lost track and went on first. Lovely dream.
August 11, 1993
Athena continued her confrontational therapy today. We fought for hours and established: 1) that she does not feel secure in my being and rather wishes that I were a more familiar source of authority, i.e., more commanding in presence; 2) she hates men and male beings in general and so cannot avoid a certain amount of love/hate in our relationship; 3) she does not have much control over her responses at times, like this morning when I woke up and she was very angry with me because of feeling fear and jealousy; 4) she does not sleep in any coherent sense and is thus has a bit of a short fuse; 5) existence on Olympus was rather competitive and nobody got away with saying anything without ruthless competitive commentary - as a result she didn't say much; 6) she considers herself "simple" unless provoked or angry when she forgets about it and is reasonably aggressive.
August 12, 1993
Athena came tumbling down last evening, with Coco delivering a long tyrade about her apparent lack of cooperation or intention to cooperate. She was warned she would have to sever her closed linkages post haste and that her patent lack of respect would not be tolerated. Athena was shaken and made a retreat; I was quite relieved in that the atmosphere had gotten very hot and her separation eased the pressure. I also discovered a structure of kick pockets when she pulled out, self promotional energy pockets that are used to lift a being's presence and establish it over others. My being recognized these and we started to dismantle them by applying energy to them such that they would define the requisit disturbance level as to excite natural elimination processes.
Avenna revealed that when she was bringing in one of the Furies she ended up with a bunch of these things in her upper sense and was never the same afterwards: she attempted to withdraw from them and ended up in constant fear of rages. Athna, the Fury she brought in at that time, and she have bitter memories about the whole affair.
After it was clear that Athena was a stinker, Wis went to work on her and left her wondering how to gather that which resists and denies its own sense in many places at once. Today there have been a lot of tears but the general atmosphere has been one of considerable relief. The Masters have been in charge and are doing fine. The Furies have mostly cried themselves out now and are sleeping. My sense is more coherent and less contentious, which is quite a change from Athena's period here.
When I was getting home I had an accident, scraping the side of the car on the wall coming into the garage. I checked the incident and found no mischief in the sense so I left it alone. It turned out that Araki was driving and was greatly relieved when I didn't go for her throat because I was already in an awful mood. Later Maggy entered in a dither of guilt because the accident looked to partially reflect her heavy little foot. I found that it did but felt only her need and my sorrow at not being with her more. She came and brought a measure of joy to the being.
I did not sleep at all in as much as the cloaking energy that Athena left when she departed was high strain stuff that does not allow sleep or deep relaxation. It comes from the old Olympus being and is very high voltage, relatively sweet-smelling hatred and despair. Nasty stuff but by morning it was settling down and the day was not hampered by the lack of sleep in that this stuff is an effective substitute.
August 13, 1993
Last night Crocky came in and we made love deeply and fully throughout our united sense, childish, loving and passionate, we join together forever. We viewed the Master being as a coming sense for the Fury Being and the direction Furies will all be going in as we join in childish intensity and inner exchange. We also looked at Maggy and my love as reflecting the highest sense that we have attained thus far and the direction we are all headed in.
Afterwards we looked into the Tisiphone situation and found her angry with me about having chosen her first among Furies when she deemed herself last and least prepared. She complained that she was still sore and I admitted that I didn't really know what to make of the situation since it had principally been a story to me. We talked and Crocky began to unwravel the confusion by showing her that she is the highest Fury in terms of her relationship with all -- the shiest, the most giving and the deepest love among the Furies -- and thus her selection was obvious. I said that for me she was the only clear Fury, the only one that I could see fully and thus I had to choose her. She said Alecto was better and I agreed that maybe she was right. She was beginning to feel better about us and Crocky offered to serve as her mother, her big sister and her Master. I have become her father for the time being as we go through a deepening of our relationship until this becomes a full expression in it.
This morning she popped in feeling a little daughter filled with the love and the messages of Crocky and found that she wished to be with me again too and so were joined in full. Crocky watched over everything and we moved on quietly. We also looked into some of Crocky and my baggage and worked through my fear of her origin. We also started to work on some of her old associated senses. I reluctantly, since this is a horrendous responsibility, took her on as my murid. I was also told that I was Master of Masters and the event with Athena was witnessed as expressing the depth of my mastery in that I integrated various beings in order to expose and unravel her sense before stomping on it.
Later Araki woke up and Crocky told her that all of the Furies will have their masters, and that Wormy and Woowoo are eyeing her. She was thrilled and we talked about the fact that these will be very short apprentiships in that the masters will have direct relationships with their murids and will be able to guide them into and within the sense they will be adopting to enter in to open master being. Everyone is happy but me: I'm a little grumpy because my new murid is after me with the fervor of a love in arms. I'll never be the same. She says that as her murid I was the first being they have ever witnessed who sought the source of his rightness to the point of forsaking his sense and thus fully joined with his masters themselves, bringing them all out as his wives, and thus I have no reason to complain if she hounds me a bit to get me to recognise myself in the sense she does too.
August 14, 1993
A lot of tears and joy.
This noon Annis introduced herself and explained some of the fears the unnamed Furies have had about everything. She's a pretty little blond sweety and said that they had really feared that Athena would establish herself with me based on the sticky sweet insult-defiance reaction pattern where she would be engendering anger in me that would keep me feeling a kind of glow with her, just as Gloria did.
She said she was in charge of the Furies' martial response capacity and is thus the one that has been with me in playing squash, giving my game a much more coherent and consistent tone than it used to have since she keeps intruders at bay pretty effectively.
She also talked about how they most want to be daughters first and then later go into a deeper role as they mature to it. She said that Furies are not selected; they reflect a being's bitter rejection of all associations based on continuous betrayal and their arrival in the company of others of their kind as a result. For a long time this is enough and having sisters brings joy and discipline brings hope, but eventually all of the Furies whither for want of something more and their sense just sort of closes and they go to the rim, waiting for the missing whatever that brings such pain by not being there. They also suffer from a lack of continuity since they get tied into nature's direct response system and come to express spot definition.
January 19, 1994
Gloria and I had a mildly rocky day of jealousy and pain exploration yesterday. In the evening Athena came in and showed herself a good deal better. I offered to go into the grind with her but since this proved difficult, Grindy went with her instead. The results have been excellent and Athena is now dear and clear. Grindy commented that she couldn't believe that I don't believe that Gloria loves me at this point and that I seem to get tough when I should be gentle and gentle when I should be tough, or something like that. I felt like we just have to trust our love to guide us through all this but that she is probably right. This morning we have continued making love and are entering into the 13th day now. All things being equal I'd say our union is doing pretty well. We had some harsh words and unhappy moments of pain and confusion yesterday, but at one point Gloria faced me down saying, "You know I don't think you're really suffering that much in your own sense. You keep track of the pain and it does define your being but you're not suffering that much yourself. You just look at the way it is and tell me it hurts that much."
I congratulated her on facing me down and said all right but that the feeling that informs and defines my being comes out of the pain itself so the problem is a relevant one and one that deeply affects me. "That's right. It is but it doesn't hurt that much anymore." "It still hurts but I'm not going to spend the rest of the day arguing about it." We also stated a definition of struggling to be together in this life as well as the hereafter, if you will, though she said that her contribution to the struggle will reflect more her weakness than anything else.