First a few entries from the Diary that express the specific point and general context of my relationship with Hecate over the many blessed years I have been with her.

November 2, 1996
This morning I received a full statement of the divine principle of interaction and definition: "Never try to feel or define anything yourself; let your feelings form out of the totality and carry on referencing always to and from the totality in everything you do," which is just another somewhat clearer statement of what Sumarah teaches in saying that if nothing inside you tells you not to do something, go ahead and do it; but if something objects, slow down, respect, and see what you can do to clarify the confusion first whenever possible.

We also finally had a little insight into the "Buddha smile" which reflects the fact that it is generally only the evilist of beings that can become a "World Conqueror" and they sit in their state of grace and contemplate their total awareness of the fact that they never really want to come clean with anyone: The smile of the bully who has gotten away with it. This is a phenomenon of closed beings in the pursuit of peace and security and works in with the boddhisattva denial of the simple enactment of True Justice (Sejatining Keadilan) and the search for a quick fix or jeitinho ("Universal Enlightenment") to get us all out of this mess. The recognition of my attainment of the Buddha level of awareness came with my reception of the Maitreya behest on June 21, 1968 in Stonehenge, England but I surely am a different sort of being from the normal Buddha. I'm certainly evil enough, in fact, far more immersed in pain I have fostered than any of them, but I have always come clean. I serve those I love and their beauty. To remain covered in uncleared pain would cut me off from them and render me a disaster to them as I went the path of the tyrant to gather them to me, thus destroying what I love in them and they in me. So I have opened and stand properly open in all beings eternally.

    November 6, 1996
Full collapse of all of the various divine and otherwise covenants involving surrender of disposition, position and energy by concerned entities in order to elicit cooperation from humans in the service of divine purposes was finally recorded this morning due to the generalized betrayal of said covenants by the existing, standing human authorities, who seek only their own pleasure and thus betray their trusts. As a result, the open work on the absolute leveling process is now fully and openly under way. Hecate noted:

November 14, 1996
Last night from 7:30 to 8:10 I had a unique experience in connection with rescuing a group of my girls, the lost girls, from Gloria's grasp. I was down at the kitchen table and found that with all the pounding on her they started to become visible off somewhere and I found one of them and let her speak through. I started trying to get her name and was getting all kinds of sophisticated curses that were holding the being there. We took a bit to locate them but then we were on the way. I was still speaking to her and she said she had seen me arrive. To try to verify if it was me I asked, "Do I have a big tummy?" She said no but I had settled into the being. I began to check the being, scanning the large assembly carefully and noting three girls I thought looked like they had been tortured. I spoke with them and they said that they have been crying very hard recently. At that point, Hecate arrived and was very surprised to see me there already. A short time later we were joined by Annis and Hecate told her, "He is already doing a general scan of the being." Then the rest of our group began to come in. To clean up the being I then began to teach them the attitudes of open union by giving them "Mamayu hayuning pawana, mamayu hayuning jagad," "Katahipun kawula kados pundi?" "Panjenengan kerso menopo?" and "I didn't make this mess but I sure am going to clean it up." I also gave them some Javanese words for beauty like kusuma and ayu and many of them reported that these were the names that they had received as their own. At that point I found another and asked her name and she told me she was Aka, and that she was the group's spokesperson. By this time everyone had arrived and I hurried to eat dinner: paella. Sukino said that the experience was like some of his in clarity and unassailability of presence and being. Very beautiful and interesting. Later we welcomed and settled in the heaven they had been supported on.
As Hecate commented, "So beautiful. There will never be another moment like this. Never, never, never, for the rest of eternity. Our beloved has truly shown his stuff."


The following gives a description of our circumstances and a selection of entries from the Diary.





May 13, 1992

Thoth and Ma'at

The Coming Forth of Ma'at, Het Tehuti

     Thoth started out about as early as anyone else. He has yet to meet anyone he hasn't known in some context or other and most of the spirits remember him too. One of the reasons for this is that Thoth has always wanted company and has dedicated his long history to finding company worth being with. Obviously when you look for a long time and do not find what you seek you suffer sorrow and the sorrow itself can become the source of the company you seek. This was the source of Ma'at, though her origin no doubt goes deeper than that, into ages of icy cold darkness and suspension that Thoth did not participate in defining or releasing. In any case, after many ages of making and creating things that did little to satisfy the need for company, Thoth was sad and lonely. Perhaps so sad and lonely that it awoke the beauteous Ma'at from her frozen slumber and suddenly there was another. Thoth was stunned. Here was one so beautiful, so wondrous, so unbelievably wise and wonderful. Here she was before him and he was before her. There was nothing of her in any of his dreams. Nothing his poor powers of imagining that which is good and worthy had ever done had anything to do with this majestic beauty. And then they were together. Ma'at found Thoth worthy and they became close companions. She truly became the house of Thoth - Het Tehuti.

The Long Together and the Long Aparts

     But Thoth now had a new problem. As he had long since found out, whenever there was something beauteous in existence, soon there were those who would come to steal it for themselves. This is the mote principle and means that whenever anyone has gathered any warmth, he becomes fair game for others to come and steal it away. Since Thoth had spent many ages in gatherings to get the stuff with which to try to fashion something worthwhile, he knew full well of this danger. So from time to time, he would leave Ma'at and say, "I must be off to gathering again. The time has come for us to part for a while. I am very sorry to leave you yet again but I will return as soon as I can with new force to build our being into something still more worthy of the love we share."
     Ma'at did not care for these long absences, and they really were very long. She was also instructed never to leave the safety of her sanctuary during the period else great harm could come to her and to Thoth, for she had become the center of his love and knowledge. The gatherings would take a million spells and then he would be back with more substance, merry senses that would brighten all of being with their glorious joy in being a part of what was being drawn together. Eventually there were others too who were rather like Thoth and Ma'at. The first was the daughter of their love: Hathor or Het Heru. She became Thoth's second wife. After she was there the gatherings suddenly became shorter and Ma'at began to get jealous: "Why is it that now that she is here he comes running back after a thousand spells, while before it took a million spells?" Both Hathor and Thoth explained to her that their union was now that much more beautiful and with the third entity present, other beings now saw that they could eventually develop into entities as well. This was why the gatherings were faster than before: the smell drawing forth in the gatherings was now a much fuller loving sense, with more than one love being present.

Hecate's Plan

    Sometime later there were many others and among them was a truly wise and fearsome spirit called Hecate. She was one who came forth when the being was sufficiently mature to require her services, for she like Kali is one of the quick shifts and changes that being sometimes requires to make important progress. One day Ma'at consulted Hecate: "Hecate my fearsome friend, can you help me to discover where it is that Thoth goes on his gatherings? I have always suffered so much grief and sorrow when he is away. But now that you and Hathor and the others are here I am sorely jealous for the gatherings come so quickly." Hecate replied, "You are truly a coddled creature to wonder such things. Why do you not go with him on one of his gatherings and see for yourself that he is not off with some other goddess creating more hathors since that is what you truly fear." Ma'at blanched and said: "It is what I fear. I admit it. He has said that I could accompany him but only if I were willing to let everything go here and come into the dark beyond dark. I cannot abide the dark. I do not know why but this is so." Hecate: "I remember better than you why you cannot abide the dark dearest Lady, you were trapped down below being for so many ages that I thought I should never see anything of you again for I feared you would never have the courage to come out. When you came out to Thoth I greatly rejoiced but this is why you cannot abide the dark my dear loving lady and he is right to warn you not to go." "What then can I do to show my being that my jealousy is foolishness?" "I think I have a plan. The next time Thoth goes on a gathering, you can answer briefly one of the thousands of calls that constantly assail the sanctuary. Simply say, "Call no more, I tire of hearing your straining voice of nothingness." "You will find that Thoth will be back in no time, for just this complaint will allow the being so dispatched to eventually gain entry into the sanctuary. Since you are now versed in the sensing of others, you will smell the void around Thoth when he returns, and your being will be at rest." This was the plan. [There was and is considered suspicion that Thoth defined and orchestrated this plan in an attempt to fully obfuscate his undetected and unprincipled sense. Thoth is now - October 8, 1992 - canned and we will be squeezing a lot more out of him as time passes, but it would appear that he was indeed behind this outrage.]

The Dreadful Gathering

     When next Thoth went to gathering, his heart was full of pain and dread. He did not know why or wherefore came this anxious fear that plagued him even in doing what was needed and right. It was as if he were in a mote gathering and there was one of the betrayers approaching to steal off their warmth. This would truly be a long and a hard gathering because one cannot call long or loud when one's heart is filled with fear. The gathering took ages. At one point when he was transfixed with an agony of painful fear, he heard Ma'at calling out, "Call no more, I tire of hearing your straining voice of nothingness." Oh God. So that was it. And then he understood his terror, for there was nothing he could do to warn her or aid her. During the gatherings he left all behind and he could not have jumped out of one even if he had been cruelly willing to leave the poor beings that trusted him in coming together around him to fall into the cold again. A gathering starts from nothing, and Thoth was reborn each time with a new being. There was no way to go faster. He knew what would happen. The sanctuary would be stormed now that they could localize it in the dimension it was hidden in and it would be raped and razed. This is the way of the betrayer being. They are horrible and purposeless except in serving themselves above all others.


     When Thoth did not come, Ma'at and Hecate became worried and both wondered what they could do to protect themselves from the horrors that were no doubt closing in on them. When finally they were surrounded, for it was a long chase, they both went down before the heartless throng and were raped again and again, torn limb from limb, eaten and chewed upon, even the shit that the eaters shat was then eaten again so that none of the knowledge that rested in the being would be lost or ever escape from the clouded and irresponsible mass of the betrayer sense. When Thoth finally returned with the greatest gathering ever contemplated, it took very little to level the being that had destroyed Ma'at and reform her and Hecate and the sanctuary. The mote sense beings are mechanically clever but not wise and know nothing of love; love and sacrifice which can call the smallest particle of being forth from the greatest distance of all to rejoin the central mass of loving sense and be answered instantly for all are willing to sacrifice for all and one is all as much as all are all. The knowledge they stole, the Pandora's box they opened proved far too powerful for them to manage for they wanted only their own pleasure and cared not how it was managed. As a result they drifted off into schemes of personal power and bliss that kept them occupied for millions of ages. One often proper but sometimes self-absorbed offshoot of their progeny is the Buddha strain, but that is another story.

David and Gloria

    Now we are here on this strange little, death-driven planet. I first came into conscious contact with Thoth in 1971. He betrayed me but unknowingly pulled me out of some confusion. My reason for following the counsel he gave was that I recognized that I was not yet in a position to fully confront his being and was obliged to back off until the matter came up of its own accord.  So many of my proud childhood dreams have turned out to have stable beings behind them with another source of such strength resting in the Scottish clans who have travelled well with me most of the time.

    I also know the ones who define the Ma'at conundrum. In large part, in addition to the founding presence of the Buddha being, they constitute this ridiculous country [Brazil] where no one is responsible for anything and no one admits to controlling the flow of energy.

    Once the head or close to the head of an obfuscated or obscured being is found, the rest falls out like a sack full of rotten apples: just the plop, plop, plop of the beings being smashed by their own exaggerated weight and real worthlessness. We will follow these into extinction very carefully indeed. There are those who just do what they wish and hope that they will be able to tie into a positive natural response to their behavior. It would appear that the only positive response to some such deliquents is their own extinction.




For reasons unknown to me, Hecate insists on keeping this here.

May 15, 1992
Slow and perhaps depressed today. I saw Gloria on Wednesday. She cried and cried, and said she was afraid of the trip and upset with everthing. She also said she wouldn't be able to go to the dinner dance with us Saturday night, though she hasn't yet called here to confirm it one way or the other (she did indeed go to the dinner dance with me and Maria and when we were entering the club, Maria loudly and proudly announced to the guard, "It's David Howe, his wife and his mistress!").
I have been sleeping again. A lot even. I go to bed at 9 and just pass out. I don't know if this has anything to do with passing Tealt Leman on to Gloria, but if it does, that ring is even more powerful than I imagined possible. I hope it can help us to get our lives straightened out properly.

July 5, 1993
After an deeply appreciated and dear association of more than ten years (since 1981), Hecate came in for full exchange in Adiling Perkawinan last night. How she has changed over the years in some ways, at least in terms of her voice through me. She used to be such a hard sense with such a frightful voice; now she sounds like the other ladies: soft, young and loving. Her virginity was similar to Galadriel's in terms of resistence to opening. She is a dear, loving sweetheart but we still have some disbelief and fear to get over. Welcome to the fold, dear one.

July 30, 1993
This morning we had a little discomfort with some fear involved. Later there was an extended description of the Furies' position on our relationship and how it has been important to them to be with me and develop continuous relationships in general. They said they like to call me the "Lone Fury", which didn't thrill me too much but they like it so I'll leave it at that. Athena also revealed something about the nature of the Greek pantheon, with the floater system Zeus maintained in order to support his power and glory and keep himself as sensitive to real needs as was deemed desirable at the same time. The Furies also revealed that if something were to go wrong with me, that they would find themselves love-bonded beings waiting for me to return to their love.
We have been recalling some of Hecate's participation over the years, like when I would drink and she would be with me and the time I smoked with Dom and she was there. These occasions exposed her to a fair amount of pain just as they did me but we are one being so we suffered it together. Tis a great union we share in pain and service.
The Furies also revealed that I have been apparent as a long dip and coming swell for a long time now.

August 18, 1993
We had a quiet day. Hecate and I played minesweeper and did well. We share so much and the depth of our together became very sweet. I made a little fun of her for having emotions of a sort (when we stopped playing she got angry and wanted to go on) and she cried from the joy of our shared sense, which allows her the freedom to be what she is. The rasa I had was soft and dear and reminded me of Crocky in its depth and unguarded surrender.

August 19, 1993
Last night we met Maraka, from Hecate's protective pre-reading sense, and retired her. Then Hecate woke me in the middle of the night and was cross with me. Afterwards I went back to sleep. Today we went through some of the fears defining problems in the development of the sense with Hecate citing: 1) hatred based on a loss of freedom through the presence of constant relationships in which one is necessarily immediately accountable; 2) fears in any long-term relationship after spending a long time getting used to being alone; 3) fears of offending me and at the same time the desire to get it over with; 4) feelings of insecurity and inadequacy due to a relative lack of contribution to the existence of the union; 5) excessive freedom due to the lack of guiding principles in the union except for Natural Law (like saying gravity is the law around here); and 6) feelings of loss of discretion and privacy in the heat of the union.

August 20, 1993
Another quiet day. We continued our study of the tape.
Hecate became an In-Out this evening. We now have three In-Outs: Crocky, Tisiphone and Hecate. We also have one Full-In, Coco, and a number of Ins. We had a general mirror therapy session and hopefully some of us are feeling better about our place here.

August 21, 1993
We have been working Hecate in. She remains a little pesty but we are hopefully over the worst.

August 22, 1993
Today was tired, slow, confused and a little blue. Apparently there was a major disjunction between my experience and that of my ladies in that they are pleased for some reason and I can't seem to figure out why.

August 23, 1993
Today we suffered an anxiety attack together (some of it on the bus), fearing the various possibilities that seem more or less likely in our situation. We have to learn to work together and this fact leads to confusion since none of us (except David) have ever been in this kind of union before and we are having a little difficulty adapting to the mundane problems that exist.

August 24, 1993
Things have gone much smoother today, with the general sense being tighter due to the fear we shared yesterday and the separation based on mutual amazement and fear now being far less prominent.

August 25, 1993
We are still working on facing and sharing our fear. Hecate was a lovely common sense last night but she is still holding on to some fears that she does not feel comfortable about sharing. They create some dead spaces in interaction and cause a little emotional bumpiness but do not appear to be particularly serious problems.
We are trying to become more active and aggressive in pursuing my professional needs since this is one key point of anxiety for me.

August 26, 1993
Last night I woke up at 12:30 and was surprised at not being able to really go back to sleep again. I spent the night feeling considerable hatred for the local being and rose in the morning rather wondering how the day would go. I didn't much miss the sleep though I got grumpy late in the afternoon.
Hecate has been coordinating the inner and outer groups of Our Family and represents both positions: there was rather a curious conversation with her on both sides of the inner divide (she says that such distinguished interactions are relatively commonplace in this kind of situation, and reminded me of my own role as counselling father to my dearest dears about their love for me some weeks ago). She says that orienting the little dears has fallen to her since she has long been the Head of the Masters' Being and knows and is known by everybody, thus simplifying the job of trying to figure out what can and must be done. She is attempting to intermediate between the inner Masters and the outer ladies who tend to be more sensitive than those who have been rather accustomed to a state of war for some time.

August 28, 1993
Last night I was informed that I have a great deal of power. I was puzzled and bemused in as much as that is not the way I experience things but await a clearer definition of what was meant by this.
I woke up with a grumpy being and it turned out that the motivation was fear that some laughter we had last night (I'd like to live in a quiet place so I wouldn't wake up in the morning, "Oh God another day, yick") reflected the continued presence of closed beings in the union.

August 31, 1993
Yesterday evening I grew weary of bearing Guan Yin and asked for a recess. She had expected this the night before and at that time had asked me if I weren't missing my other dears. However, fatigue and irritation only hit me yesterday.
Hecate took over and we had a loving night of powerfully well defined exchanges. I had missed her and was frightfully glad to be with her and she with me (so it felt). Apparently Guan Yin is a very large being and I only worked through some 15% of the sense during the days she was with me. We'll get back to that later after we've rested (there is still some hangover from the interaction but things are calming now). Guan Yin was tired too and spent some time crying.

September 2, 1993
Last night, following a little outburst about how my position on things is no longer even considered, my ladies said that this is because of my bad habits that have to be confronted and eliminated. They announced that the war being is now being re-educated and that I may be able to start participating actively in what goes on in 10 or 12 years. Sounds like quite a project in that it apparently involves a redefinition of the relational linkages I have developed over the years on some level or other in that they reflect a sense of excessive purpose and often involved less than fair exchanges. Various relationships were cited as examples of this and the use made in this fashion in terms of maintaining the stability and consciousness necessary for my primary concern -- confronting the sense and bringing it into open being -- to the detriment of my mundane circumstances.
It was a quiet day that went quite smoothly as I was informed about some of the things I have been doing that I don't understand very well.

September 3, 1993
We had a fearful night last night contemplating the possibilities for next week with the meeting and economics translations and Maria's sickness.

After four days Hecate is going off to get some rest. She is exhibiting various signs of fatigue but there is little tension or confusion about it though it produces a measure of discomfort in the upper chakra toward the back. The general being refuses to say who is going to take over but we're not worried.
Hecate is now asleep and breathing like a little girl after tears.

September 6, 1993
Hecate came in with a fury, "If you don't love me I'll rip your balls off and throw them into to the neighbor's yard to give them something to talk about." They said that they felt like I have captured them in a tiger trap, but in fact I put myself down here as the bait so they aren't really captured but rather are here together with me and have all their rights established and defended by the relationship as I constructed it. They said they felt like I was a great lion or tiger and they are little kittens sniffing at my asshole, sniff, sniff, sniff, licking it, humph, sniffing at my balls, sniff, sniff, sniff, hitting them and watching me jump. Being their loving daddy, I just let them do pretty much as they please. We talked about the costs of Hecate's materializing or at least putting in a showing and they look exorbitant in terms of energy flow at the moment. Ho hum. We did get a look in the mirror.

September 7, 1993
Last night we went to bed and my dears announced that they were tired and did not want to talk. In a little while we just went to sleep. I thought they were joking or something but this morning it came out that that's exactly what was happening: all this work is making them tired and the young teenage spirits that they are need their sleep. Adjusting to the mortal frame about old age and so on is quite a job and adjusting to hard work is also a strain. This morning we considered their profoundly adolescent attitudes and expressions: "We keep finding things that are wrong and then we find that we are included in the process for correcting them already. Like taking a shower, we find that you smell and then we also find out that we are an indispensable part of the process of deciding to take a bath. It's all so much responsibility that we get confused and angry because we are often criticizing ourselves without knowing it."
Last night we wondered if daddy would sell his soul (us) for a good pension and decided we would rip his balls off and throw them into another neighbor's yard if he was so inclined. He wasn't but he did say we have to get used to working harder because he has to be able to make a go of it in the world. We did not like that very much because that makes us responsible for a lot of what happens and we don't like having to face up to doing things continuously: we are used to short-term problems that get solved and let us return to rest. We are not accustomed to constant aggravations (like old age) that never seem to end. "So there. If you don't like it, too bad. That's the way it is!"

September 9, 1993
We had an exposition about many of my long-term relationships last night and their basis in the cherishing of the senses involved over the years. We looked at Crocky's being and their rather improper use of slides over the years. We also paired Ganesha's with Cocky's in an attempt to provide it with a better basement. Joy developed a flicker or something that troubles me.
Hecate says that I should be happy I have a little buffering here because they sometimes get furiously angry and I do not experience it as much of a problem. "You know, we are very full beings, David. We have very strong responses."

September 10, 1993
We are having a little heart-to-heart between my primary sense - Saysay presenting - and the insecure and anxious little sweethearts that have rather been riding me without too much regard, respect or good sense. They have been trying to make me see the world through their eyes without joining me in mine. Today I have been termed a "bully," a "stupid," a "44 year-old retard still in kindergarten," someone who is "always wrong," "doesn't know anything," etc. Evidently there is a mutual transference process going on but I'm afraid that they will have to absorb more of our sense before we can join them in theirs. They will also have to accept the pace at which a transference process can work since pushing just impedes progress to some extent by exciting anger and defensive and justificational responses. To us they look like open floaters with no real basis in reality except their distaste for a lot of it and for a lot of what we were obliged to do to get where we have. We on the other hand are compelled by experience to staying on the ground and have little interest in learning to float again, an activity we never found anything in but pain and that we left behind more than ten years ago.

September 11, 1993
Hecate told me this morning that she would rather be one of the In-Outs than remain removed in trying to get the little dears (the Out-Ins) sorted out. She doesn't find there to be any serious problems involved in their inclusion in the sense and they have to get used to standing on their own: nobody can do it for them.
We also considered some of the behavior that the dears have taken as spoiling them as being part of an open war being's necessary sensitivity. It's like when you're driving in heavy traffic and a child starts to misbehave, you don't have time to get them under control until the circumstances calm down. You are not spoiling them on purpose, you are just too busy to worry about the disturbance they are introducing. The Pirate Jinn provide an example of why we need to maintain such sensitivity and the mechanical reason why they have been feeling so coddled and pampered and have continued getting away with obvious misbehavior.
"We think that a fair amount of our misbehavior was being inspired out of the Pirate Jinn in an attempt to weaken and destroy our union. Since they have crashed, we have found ourselves less anxious and less interested in frivolity and argument."

September 13, 1993
We had a quiet day just working on being together and doing quite well. Last night we began giving David vision through our eyes of our Heaven and ourselves though we are too shy and frightened to let him see very clearly thus far. Guan Yin and Hecate both made attempts at this (he saw us and our breasts and our bellies and the blue haze covering the heaven and a dance that was in progress with swirling dresses) and the active transference process at the same time by letting him feel how they felt and walking him through their experience. Guan Yin revealed her secrets to him, a cluster of relational aspects that were in the rear of the upper chakra and causing a little pain. The visual element involved is still a bit hazy but it allows the discrimination of shapes and forms and some colors.

Hecate and Guan Yin

September 16, 1993
We studied the tape for a while while watching TV today and seem to have made a little progress in dissassembling the sense involved. Hecate is off to bed, a very tired camper. I don't know who's going to take over the watch but must admit I'm not real worried. We went through some G. A. material last night with a simple reception response and have adopted the neutrality that Hecate deems most appropriate for use nowadays (too much booming confrontation ends up raising clouds of confusion that we don't need now that we have the strength to keep track of our sense).
We found that there are three prominent groups of ladies at this point: Ops, Libs and Legs. Ops is short for over-protectives and this group has strong mothering tendencies. Libs is short for libertines and this group is extremely passionate and bold in a sexual sense. Legs is short for little girls and this group is getting used to having somewhere to rest their being now and to the peace of a solid open union and sometimes are petulant, cranky and silly. The relationship between the Ops, with Hecate is the most prominent at the moment, and the Libs, where Guan Yin is the most obvious, is not antagonistic and they are a convergent rather than a divergent sense over time. The fully surrendered In-Outs (Maggy, Cricky, Galadriel, Crocky and Tisiphone) constitute a unified expression of all three leanings and that is the apparent direction for the future.

September 17, 1993
Last night we put an overtired Hecate to bed though she stuggled a bit. As she said to Guan Yin: "Don't tell me you're putting me to bed or I won't go." Today she was awakened by Lib furies and has been unable to rest.
It was revealed that when my ladies have said that I "spoil" them they meant that they are not afraid of me. This is not usual in any relationship in that most tend to rank and contain interaction according to relatively strict principles and purposes. "It's not nice to spoil us; it's necessary, it's not nice. In order for us to express ourselves openly, we have to lack fear of one another."

September 22, 1993
Last night Nehebka said she wants to keep her old name. She then gave a lengthy description of how I am defined in pure slides down at the base of my being, purely invested in the problems that I find throughout all of existence in the level below confrontation where confusion takes care of itself and finds its own solution without any partiality or prejudice. I rest there looking up at the ripples on the waves high up above and quietly letting things sort themselves out. The incident with Ama provides a good example of the departure of my base sense from the local sphere.
After her description Kali came out of my deep inner sense (where she has been staying of late) and confirmed the description. Kali and Nehebka then had a lovely little get together last night, sharing their sense and their mutual appreciation of what they both are. They initially squared off, with backs raised a bit, but later arrived at harmonious union.
The roasting also continued last night with Maggy and Guan Yin and I giving a little appearance that rather gave the impression that we have begun to draw local blood.
After I found that Kali had "pulled a Wis" on me last night (I was embarrassed that I hadn't recalled her for some time), this morning we were examining some of my indistinguishable senses and found little piles of confusion scattered about in my ati sanubari (inner "chamber" of being). There were piles in relation to Kali, Wis, Hecate, Guan Yin, etc., with Hecate's being the hoariest and most prune-like tunnel of pain, with a fine membrane separating perceived from actual sense, the inner and outer being of lahir/batin. These constitute long tunnels of imbalanced relationships that base themselves in our love and will have to sort themselves out now. As was noted by Ishtar (who has been among the missing too in acting as Hecate's backup), "Hecate, you have been bluffing for so many triangles that I can't remember when you started." Guan Yin said that she has invested heavily in her pain line to keep it as open as it is. Wis's is rather like Hecate's and they are both brink-dancers, long long dancing on the brink of closed evil being and thus providing anyone that opposed them with a visage of absolute hell.
This revelation raised hackles in Hecate in that, since all her little dears no longer have any reason to fear her, she fears she will be overrun the way I have with little love-loves telling her what to do all the time.
Today, the first day of Spring, has been declared Hecate's birthday by her young and old charges and friends who are anxious to see her gathered into their embrace and her lonely wandering ended.
Now it is for us to marvel at how far we have come in such a short time in sorting out the love that unites and ending the confusion that has long stood between so many of us.

September 25, 1993
Last night we had a dismemberment session for the open participants in Gloria's compendium, a curious collection of dejected and abused beings, who were structured in a gerry-rigged fashion hoping to maintain some privacy by keeping their heads down: they were awfully vulnerable if anybody had really cared to look. Gloria has actively, ruthlessly (good for her image to be cruel don't you know) and meticulously (you don't want the aftermath to have any connection with your being except to come through your sense, don't you know, otherwise they could mount some sort of vengeance) exterminated quite a number of beings. I was lifted into the presence and met with Vera first and then Leena. The body decided to move into our Heaven, which we accepted provided they abide by local rules which include respect for Natural Law and the treatment of various of their beings that are more than a little disoriented in one way or another. The contingent that came out of Gloria's clutches is settling in with a great deal of crying and screaming and dancing and drinking of the water in the pool in our Heaven, which is a recepticle of the juices our love has produced over the months (milk induced urine, my semen expression and feminine excretions). In as much as all this material is directly produced by our love, we aren't worried about where it comes from. After professing to have loved me since I first appeared with Gloria, Leena stayed the night with me: she's the first that has ever said "No, no, don't" when she really wanted me to continue. Strange. Hecate says that this reflected her reaching a self-loss threshold at that point after which she ceased having anything but her furious love guiding her being. "Sorry. It's not exactly something I was thinking about at the time."
Refering to her passionate daze, Cricky has told Hecate that she is a sick girl to which Hecate commented: "I like this disease!" Cricky says that Hecate suffers from so much confusion because she still doesn't accept that she is in love and is loved fully and says that the experience involved will get much better (and stabler and smoother and more predictable and less disabling: "Well, I don't care. There's nothing I really need to do anyway and I'm happy.") after she accepts reality properly. "That's true. It's hard to accept reality sometimes but, you know, you just have to keep trying."

September 27, 1993
The Eighteen's milk drinking (they all became drippingly, spurtingly milky) and peeing (this obviously had little direct connection with the drinking in that the volume of water that came out was ridiculously disproportionate relative to that which went in) process was completed last night. Last night I accompanied One when she did her  milk drinking and water passing and drinking and we went through many of the influences that have interfered with our connections over the years, raising and releasing both the masculine and the feminine linkages that were still present (not too many really). Afterwards she used the voice she has always associated me with which brought back some family associations for a while and then she took my current voice and talked to Coco for a while using my voice. After One had finished I asked someone to put her frock on her sleeping body and she woke up and slipped it on before going back to sleep, complaining that I'm a big mother. I also accompanied Two during her initial phase and started Three, Four, Five and Six on their way after we adjusted the amount to be ingested.
This morning everybody is all right. The girls played in Our Pond for a few hours after they did the initial part of the communion process. Somehow I could see them running around with their arms, legs and butts flying this way and that. This morning they seem fine and their physical maturation is progressing very rapidly. The rest of Our Family is pulled back from the pond but appear to be in good spirits now watching the Eighteen frolic about without frocks. Tisiphone was inclined to make a loving contribution with me and she and the Eighteen and Hecate all sampled the product. Afterwards Hecate and Tisiphone claimed they felt me within while the Eighteen described a pulsing pressure pushing out their inner walls gently: outside they already look all right, with a mons and lip flexibility rather like Tisiphone's. Apparently Nature is forming their vaginas around my penis in this way. Hecate and Tisiphone are in a euphoric daze but the girls say its is a cute feeling that makes them want to run around and play. The intensity of the vibrations increases when they come close to Tisiphone and Hecate.
Crocky came and we brought her into this process too so now there are Tisiphone, Hecate and Crocky providing the model and the Eighteen's pulsing has gotten quicker and smoother somehow.

October 1, 1993
This morning we worked on exposing the tape further using techniques inspired by the reaction structure that has built up over the months. Should be quite a flush.
We met Hecate's little daughter Truelove and she has joined with True and Truly in expressing our united being. We found out that Ga's name can also be pronounced Gay. I also met Kali's Everlove, a true delight of open being and shy adoration. I also talked to Wis and met our daughter Sweetlove who was being me at the moment and thus a little grumpy.
The Five - Gay, Hecate, One, Kali and Wis - have begun nursing mutually and are now erupting into the lake and are apt to be so occupied for some time as the waters of time flow through, seeking the love that defined them.

October 17, 1993
Last night Guan Yin helped us to sort through some topics of moment. She told us that a lot of the reason we get mad is that we love so deeply and then when we come to you you look at us with such calm and tranquility while we are boiling with loving passion and so we get mad because we feel like it's not fair and you don't care about us the way we care about you and that you are a male chauvinist pig. But in fact you are not so the anger passes into deeper passion and love beyond imagining for you rest easy with us in our confusion as well as in our love. And we are you and you are us and there is nothing but our Thee, the Union of Our Being Together.
Today we had a little confusion in that Tara and Hecate drank one another's milk last night and I got jealous and they were displaying mild symptoms of exclusivity of perspective. We worked it through, seeing how naughty they felt in doing it without consulting me and the levels of structure underlying the confusion and the disturbance itself. Everybody cried a bit and we looked at how this incident had been powered by the jealousy they raised by claiming me for themselves recently. They both vomited a red subtance reflecting their interactive aspect's unsettled elements going back some time. Then we looked at our love in these terms and found that my dears will have to get used to the fact that they have impossibly deep relationships of soul polishing with one another as well as with me. This will be an enormous source of joy and grace and honor to all of us and will bring out how important we all truly are to one another and how our sacrifices to serve our love were things we were delighted to be able to make that we are now shy about since we feel so privileged to have suffered this little bit for the love we share.

November 4, 1993
Hecate's full open sense came in and we are just fine together one and all. We made love and went almost beyond shared forever and everybody has been saying hello. Wis came out and talked for a long time though she is my inner inner inner and Kali who is my inner inner did too and then Durga who has been my basement came out too and showed me why I haven't been suffering the lower sense tonight.
We finished up "Basic Sumarah Theory" and at the end there was an interesting experience as I went to the dissertation for something that got left out of the revision. When I started to type in the paragraph I started getting pronounced visual disturbances like the ones that come sometimes when I first start playing squash and notice that my eyes have blind spots from vein problems in the retina. It was fantastic the way that was pushed and I must admit that if ever I had wanted an expression of how the group has interacted and interfered in my existence, that was a perfect one.

November 5, 1993
Last night I was allowed to dip a bit lower than usual as my ladies now appear to love me enough and trust me enough to let me be. This morning we had a pleasant getting to know one another session. It turns out that Hecate is carrying about 2% closed beings so we'll have to deal with that problem sometime soon since it apparently provokes more laughter here than we are altogether happy with. Afterwards we burned the B. Then Hecate and Maraha and I joined in full union so we're hoping the day will settle down now.

November 6, 1993
We are now working on highlighting, following out and clearing improper participants and our activities have dipped to naught for the moment. My dears have become very shy since Hecate came in full sense and they are now able to let me be in the sense of trusting in my being enough to allow it exposure to those they find unsatisfactory. The insecurity appears to be gone now. At least that's what I hope is going on. Last night even Crysty told me she didn't want to be just a lieutenant but needed to be as shy as she now feels. Without the lift their interaction with me normally introduces, the being has settled a bit and the parasitic element is getting a trifle uncomfortable.
Work on the book has progressed through Dwi in Chapter 8 and now is in Sumarno. I initially had feelings of insecurity that have calmed since I faced them in terms of my experience rather than the recent incidents that are more attractive and pleasant.
We seem to be doing mbisu (a fast involving no talking) which is a marvelous idea for pulling out quiet intruders that have been underneath our interaction or maybe it's just that nobody wants to talk to me anymore.
I feel a little like when I stopped smoking, with anxiety and mood swings as the most prominent withdrawal symptoms. I don't honestly think there is anything to worry about in it. I miss my beloveds but we need to get the garbage out. If it gets excessively uncomfortable for you we can suspend the mbisu and take it up again some other time.

We're out of mbisu now and sort of trying to decide what it revealed and what we do best to do now.

November 14, 1993
This morning Hecate woke me in full state. It was like she was no where else except with me and we were together like honeymooners on their first day. We talked and got embarrassed and frightened and remembered some of her inputs into my experience that came out last night when she took credit for inspiring the incident at Kelso Washington in 1969-70 that has long puzzled me when I walked down the power line and cast off my shoes and clothing -- 23 years I've been waiting to find out what was behind that. After having suffered so many betrayals she says that she just had to show me that somebody really loved me back because I was an open wound being ground into the dust anyway and she figured I might want to know that she was going to be going with me wherever I ended up. She didn't speak English back then so the symbols were intended to communicate an absolute and uncontainable love, though I honestly didn't see them as being even slightly connected with me at the time. There were things about the sun and the passage of time and the gathering of beings but I honestly don't remember very much of it at this point. There was also the strange incident with the cat that I heard call me to strangle it and then was scratched by when I tried to. She was overjoyed to find that I have kept the whole business a secret for all these years though it has rather drained me due to all the intensity of the sense involved. However, I explained to her that this is the way I always handle such situations because it is the only real way to do so without ending hating yourself and losing either the clarification of the interference in justice relative or the clarification of the incident in open shared sense. I didn't know what was behind the incident but I did know I haven't been called to examine it all these years which told me that whoever was behind it was not trying to do me dirt -- it just came out being a problem in many ways for expressing a love greater than was easily carried at that point. "You make me mad, you big bully -- you drive me crazy making me love you as I do! It's not fair, you big bully. I love you so, you big bully, you make me love you more and more. I'm a little possessive and protective so be quiet and don't argue with me!"
The other night I was with Galadriel(?)and she started transferring her depth of love to me. I felt like I was under water and virtually lost sense linkage I was so luyuted out.
It also came out that I am called "big pig" because from the perspective of most of my ladies I'm always eating.
Last night we also discussed some of the "heavy" sense experiences from back in the 1969-70 period when it felt like the world existed only to the limits of my senses and was being created and dissolved as I rode along. Strange stuff that also made Hecate rather happy since I've never even tried to describe the feeling of it to anyone so it remains our business and our energy altogether right up to the present.
This afternoon after playing squash Hecate was explaining to me about how a being can betray while leaving the sense betrayed with a positive relative state and eventually disassociate leaving the pain generated untraceable by maintaining the positive glow throughout the relationship. The person finds himself with a mass of pain they can't account for or associate with any clear source. This is what Gloria has been doing with me in preparing a general dump of the sense we share and this is what many groups like the Gypsies and Arabs and Greeks are so famous for. She says that in energy terms, you take out some 1000 units of energy through the betrayal and reinvest 10 to 15 in propping up the sense relative and covering your retreat and thus have an enormous absolute profit margin. The cruelty of the systemic machines involved in this kind of experience exploitation and manipulation is unbelievable with participants like Gloria and Pia reflecting a degree of calculated evil to make your whole sense implode, (hopefully theirs too now that we have caught up to them). Since I have been confronting Gloria directly, this tactic has backfired in that her absolute offload structures are never able to release since the sense is already mapped here and she is unable to come clean against it in her own being. She is still distorting what happened in her interpretation of it and is running out of beings willing to front for her over the horizon or locally. Essentially, this has cut off her float position from any support structures whatsoever, so she simply stands exposed and awaiting the axe.

November 24, 1993
Last night Hecate and I were together for the deepest time ever and brought forth great beauty and love and ended my sense of loneliness for the first time that I can recall. She shared my heart and my soul with me and we went into our mutual senses and shared the same voice for a while. There are lots of loving daughters on the way now.
Today we confronted the local sense and it turned out I was using Hecate's technique which involves going down with the sense and waiting for it to go up -- the drowning-swimmers technique (if someone grabs onto you in the water and tries to use you as a float, take them down and they will eventually let go on their own). It was pretty awful but after a while the local sense gave up and the afternoon was all right. The morning was rocky and like a garbage disposal unit in its feeling and texture.
At one point Hecate taught David some dear spider, "I am try."

December 12, 1993
Last night Shyshy and I had a major heart-to-heart in which I laid out for her how wrong I considered and continue to consider her behavior from some weeks ago. She warranted that I was basically correct and that though her position on the activity was properly defined, it was fundamentally regretable and could better have been handled in other ways, since I was preparing for the confrontations involved at the time anyway. She took the scolding well and this morning we are pretty comfortable together although she continues displaying some sense of over-definition and paranoia -- not a big surprise in that the rascals she has been sorting out and dumping are not exactly good for ones mental or spiritual health. The Truehells and Shaytans seem to be coming to a level of mutual appreciation that may make it easier to see their relative and absolute merits more clearly soon. At this point the comparison of contribution to open being shows them to be about even individually and this has deflated some of the Shaytans' old pride problem: the problem with the Shaytan being is that though it makes great contributions, it also has a distinct tendency to cause great pain at the same time and sort of shoot itself in the foot, witness the recent little incident with Shyshy and the pretenders to my being.
Hecate has decided she would like a love name too and she will now be Hekhek which sounds a bit like the sound she makes when she's coming uncontrollably. This name will be restricted for now to me and a few other select beings though eventually it may pass into common use. Hekhek thanked Shyshy for her help by allowing her to express the love of our being on November 23 in that she pulled the crowd of parasites off of us and let us sense our own way. David remains neutral in this regard in that he is still not pleased about this turn of events and wishes his anger noted regarding this obvious violation of his trust.
Hekhek and Shyshy and I just made love and seem to be well all around and on beyond anywhere witnessed before, though Shyshy says she doesn't know anything about such things and just wants to be with me.
Woowoo and Rimmy and Groomy and a group are going up to replace Stringer and company at the gate.

December 13, 1993
We did some work early this morning and Hekhek was in a bad mood, "You are a big pest. You are the biggest pest ever to live and nobody will deny it! You're a big fartface." "And you're a little lady."

January 1, 1994
Today we had a general sense review with Trueoak and Truebeech being joined by Truemaple and Truemagno in a global introduction to our being and an exposition of its outstanding problems. They were introduced to most of my active loves and greeted Hecate as "Hecate the Hated", which was presented as a term of respect and endearment somehow. They also remembered Avenna and Tisiphone asked them to help in dealing with her problem and they said they would be honored to.

January 24, 1994
I had a talk with Hecate about the general situation with Beachy and Grindy and the dears that came in with them. Hecate described her approach in telling them they would all be cherished by me and I wondered if that were not a little hasty for them to absorb all at once considering their sense of absolute loyalty to their ladies. She said it did cause some crying and confusion but that has been sorted out and they are all okay now.
Referring to the diminishing problem of interference and jealousy, Hecate commented: "They are burned up in the ashes of their own regard when reflected in the mirror of our love. This is the most profound little vision I have ever witnessed so I have to concede it to the inspiration of our love because it expresses wisdom far beyond my own."
This afternoon Hecate, Gloria, Tara and I had a little heart to heart in which, among other things, Hecate admitted to some rather delicate feelings for Gloria that we all looked at and found passionate and dear. We pondered what they will mean to us all in contemplating a proper menage a trois or whatever. We went beating around the subject for a while and finally Tara came in and pointed out that this kind of relationship is sometimes a part of proper relational development as per Natural Law and that it will sort itself out. We talked about forming a palace up on the hill in that Hecate cannot bear the idea of not being close to me whenever she wishes: "That's right and don't argue."
I made love to Hecate tonight and we went out to the tides and then way beyond as she went into a scatter pattern of surrendered sense. Gloria was present and helped in the proceedings by looking on and keeping her hand on Hekhek's shoulder most of the time. It was the highest come we have ever seen and she checked in with Ayeaye on her way down and suggested a few changes in the therapy definition involving probable participation by Tara, Guan Yin, Kali, Wis and Melini. "I'm shy." "You're not to be shy. You're the husband. The husband has to do what his wives want." Wis.

May 10, 1994
This afternoon we have been pining and moping a bit. But then Hecate came out and said that she would like a song too if there is one that she inspires.


My Bliss of Being

 Out of nowhere she came
A joy to my heart
Bringing me peace
Right from the start

 We walked down hard roads
Companions the strong
Her voice ever filling
My heart with a song

 Under the moon
And under the sun
We wandered together
Loving as one

My first wife forever
Now she will be
A fearless companion
Ever guiding me

Joined in our souls
Joined in our hearts
I rest content
We never shall part.


We wrote this in less than half an hour. Lots of inspiration in my dearest of loves.

May 14, 1994
Hecate is settling in and this morning she has expressed some jealousy and confusion about what she should be doing here. We made love and she had a long talk with Gloria about the nature of her love for me and her feelings about me as a husband both in the past and now. She said some very kind words about me and her understanding of the kind of being I am as a rather mothering type who is constantly in search of the problems we share.
Hecate chided us for our childishness and said that the breakthough has already been made for us. What's left now is just detail and adjustments of a less important nature. We have made it; we just have to get used to it and recognize what we have truly done.
This evening Gloria and Hecate were speaking together and I remarked to Gloria that I should feel honored to be in such a common state with such an illustrious goddess. As a result we looked up Hecate in the encyclopedia and read through the entry on her. Afterwards we went upstairs and were lying down when Gloria suddenly told me that she didn't love me anymore. I thought it was some sort of joke at first but soon started to cry. A short time later she said that she had wanted to test me, "in case I ever wanted to say that." Later she said that the entry on Hecate had made her jealous and insecure and that she had wanted me to know. "I wanted you to know because you are supposed to take care of me and that's all." Curious little incident that left me on my hind legs as usual. I did explain to her that with my well-known wives like Athene, Tara and Guan Yin I did initially feel very insecure about the relationships. "What did you do?" "I suffered the pain of being with them." "But that's not very clever. Why didn't you pretend you were great or something." "Oh no, I would never do anything like that. I love my wives. If they need promoted greatness then there is a problem that will have to be faced someday so why not now." "Yeah, I guess." "You handled that very well in recognizing your jealousy so quickly." "I'm a woman, David. I think I can tell when I'm jealous. Bwahh. You make me mad."

November 14, 1996
Last night from 7:30 to 8:10 I had a unique experience in connection with rescuing a group of my girls, the lost girls, from Gloria's grasp. I was down at the kitchen table and found that with all the pounding on her they started to become visible off somewhere and I found one of them and let here speak through. I started trying to get her name and was getting all kinds of sophisticated curses that were holding the being there. We took a bit to locate them but then we were on the way. I was still speaking to her and she said she had seen me arrive. To try to verify if it was me I asked, "Do I have a big tummy?" She said no but I had settled into the being. I began to check the being, scanning the large assembly carefully and noting three girls I thought looked like they had been tortured. I spoke with them and they said that they have been crying very hard recently. At that point, Hecate arrived and was very surprised to see me there already. A short time later we were joined by Annis and Hecate told her, "He is already doing a general scan of the being." Then the rest of our group began to come in. To clean up the being I then began to teach them the attitudes of open union by giving them "Mamayu hayuning pawana, mamayu hayuning jagad," "Katahipun kawula kados pundi?" "Panjenengan kerso menopo?" and "I didn't make this mess but I sure am going to clean it up." I also gave them some Javanese words for beauty like Kusuma and Ayu and many of them reported that these were the names that they had received as their own. At that point I found another and asked her name and she told me she was Aka, and that she was the group's spokesperson. By this time everyone had arrived and I hurried to eat dinner: paella. Sukino said that the experience was like some of his in clarity and unassailability of presence and being. Very beautiful and interesting. Later we welcomed and settled in the heaven they had been supported on.
As Hecate commented, "So beautiful. There will never be another moment like this. Never, never, never, for the rest of eternity. Our beloved has truly shown his stuff."
Today they have all settled in with us, each with her own little mother. I am a little disoriented but nothing to get excited about.

December 14, 1996
As Hecate and Tara were so fond of telling me in teaching me to interpret events correctly back when they were my Inner Masters and I was doing the tantric introduction to the Dolma being when I was 12 years old: "Look for causes in consequences; look for purposes in what actually happens; don't get caught up in details and the apparent ignorance of the times: most events and situations in this overdefined, involuted universe are the result of someone's need or desire for something and their application of whatever it takes to get it at whatever cost to themselves and the rest of us. Humans are all hiding from themselves and us in the largest sense and that's about all they end up doing. Their biggest nightmare is being caught and half of the character of the being is designed to make this impossible by flashing through their expression on this world like a prairie fire or a plague of locusts."
"But they sometimes say they are so noble."
"Just talk. They destroy this world they are able to define in a bigger and bigger hurry every time in order to cover their tracks and make off into the dark. That's the character of this karmically loaded being. Nothing to be done about it but hope we can catch up to them someday and make them pay for all this pain and confusion. That's the sad lesson we have for you and the situation will not change until they are brought to justice for their crimes and release us all from the nightmare they are to us."
5:00 P.M.
Looking back now with the visibility somewhat clearer nowadays, I can remember my birthing (conception) roar when I came into this sphere: "I GOT YOU!"
Perhaps we all understand what I meant now.
As Sukinohartono comments, "Everything I have been saying applies to all of humanity. Anyone alive in the world carries sins. If we were pure we would not have been reborn into the world."
I don't wish to argue with the obvious but, honestly, this is my first time among anything like "humans"and that back where I link with being, the concept of life itself was often considered an orgiastic violation of trust. We were looking at three forms or orders of being.
The first was linked directly to open being without any personal disposition whatsoever like the "dumb earth" that Homer refers to and more properly expressed in the noble crystal beings and the openly stated comments on existence that they present. The problem with the first order is that it cannot effectively defend and manage its experience and that those beings that are proper working expressions of it exist only in great beings and volumes of presence. This order of being obviously is the stuff of beauty and knowledge and giving but its linkages with the rest of existence are generally rather than specifically stated. Evidently it is generally not individuated.
The second order of being is that of those that draw back a step from experience by receiving information and energy from other forms. They then work in terms of processing this received being. Trees and plants are of this class and amoebae and other microorganisms. They take in and process being but do not notably control or manipulate their own experience and are open to the first order of being in serving it and gather information to it.
The third order of being is that of those who can form a kind of separated reality in their own experience, taking in being through food, processing it and selecting from it in defining their experience and response to it and then releasing that which they cannot use as their leavings. These are the insects and animals of all kinds that have, especially when you get to the mammals, a remarkable ability to define their experience in contrast with or even oposition to the rest of existence.
This is as far as we had gotten in defining being at that time, although we had come up with an awareness of the need for a managerial sense and collective to take care of us all. That is where the human being arose and then went so hopelessly wrong. We have been chasing down that disaster ever since. Humans were not designed to take over in their own experience management at the expense of the rest of us, but that's what happened. As the Bible accurately reports in this particular, man has the divine form:

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.

It is so, but the appreciation of the character of this role is misconstrued. God cares about his charges and accepts them open, first order association in taking on the responsibility of being. Man does not and in fact man is lord over nothing as a result of not having earned his authority in that he tends to seek only his own comfort and convenience in his relations with all beings. Man in these terms looks like a dictator who has usurped the throne rather than earning it through service. Man has the mechanisms that nature, that we all together, have defined in association with this necessary coordinating and organizing being but then uses them to oppress and destroy and develop his own path of personal advantage. Man serves small purposes which generally are himself and the application of "I'm the best; fuck the rest" credo in one way or another. Then there are the few exceptions: in Java's kebatinan we do a job in line with the divine character of human experience and accept the responsibilities that properly adhere to the being.
But, sadly, humanity generally seeks nothing but domination and absolute release from the responsibilities that it bears in its nature and betrays with its actions. Now in the suhul being we are taking back the human form and returning it to its proper natural role. We will be redefining the character of existence in that everything ties into it. Prepare yourselves and seek to find and accept your responsibilities to all of us, in part because "it is meet and right to do so" but also for a simpler reason that humans are more certain to understand: your punishment for not doing so will be so devastating and absolute, all the way down to agonizing ground of being as the suhul being knows it. I have had no difficulty standing the suhul being: it is out of the openness that I have come and it is in openness to all that is that I am defined now. That is suhul.
Now imagine the punishment. Set your mind to visualizing the pain that is coming. Imagine the agony you have caused to other forms, other species, other ways of life and being coming back to you to teach a good and permanent lesson. There will be no more of this karmic nonsence. I promise. We have what we need now to enact proper Justice and we will do so.
So, now I want you to imagine a world, this world so filled with the unbridled hedonism of humanity -- drugs, alcohol, escapism in its many forms -- and the ruthless denial of accountability that such profoundly irresponsible practices and behavior is connected with. I ask you now to imagine the real consequences of this virtually planet-wide bacchanal of sybaritic promotion and the resulting natural pain and environmental distruction as the plague of humans nears its devastating conclusion.
I ask you that are "sensitive"to feel among the dead. When you do you will surely find that the picture has changed. The heavens and hells are disbanded: punishment is open for all offenses right down to the ground of being and in progress against those who have set themselves above the rest of us. Reward comes to those that openly serve existence and they now find themselves in a circumstance that is a window on the eternal path of Justice and serve it as they are able.
We have a sort of heaven, I suppose, but is a working, not a promoted affair; it is an expression of Nature's open concern for us but to get there you have to be here and have served us all openly. There are no dispensations and no salvation based on anything at all. If you are on your own and serve and suit yourself, you will have to be burned clean of the pain you have caused the rest of us before you can join us.
That's just the way it is.
But you won't have to imagine these things for long. They are already present. For those of you locked in your personal paths, consider what I have intoned above to Gloria, "Have no hope. Justice is here."
For those of you, like so many Javanese, who have done much for us all in your full-hearted (eklas) effort to:

Mamayu hayuning pawana
Mamayu hayuning jagad
Serve the harmony of the world
Serve the harmony of the universe

your continuing reward and joy in knowing your own beauty and the beauty of those you have been working with and for all these years will be a gradually rising and truly wonderful experience as we all get to know one another for the rest of eternity.