September 27, 1999
A "big dream" wherein the Fury induction process I began with Gloria in 1993 was completed. Now that her spirit has settled, it was my job as her inductor to give her her final orientation. We were in the inner court of the karam pawèstri (where I had seen her stated as a wedhon in a dream a couple of weeks ago, i.e., very tall and very thin and very strong in a whitish robe with a face that glowed green and white -- at that time I had grappled with her in not recognizing her and not being keen to have such a strange figure in my inner be (kraton ati sanubari). I got mauled. I then drew back and suddenly had a suspicion about who "she" was and grappled with her again to test it. I got mauled again but at least found out who she was) and my wives were listening with some attention as our daughters ran about:
|We Furies are a hateful lot and being hateful is what qualified you to become one of us. Existence has treated us deplorably and in coming to the Fury being we have no sense of existence except as a general disaster in which betrayal is all there is to expect. This|
experience of disgust, paranoia and disappointment is the start of a Fury; she is so appalled by her experience that she finds herself alone with all, taking tacit responsibility for everything in that it is all so horrible and no one can be trusted. She keeps her own counsel because none that she knows have proved true. With this alienation she is ready for Fury induction if her heart is present in her being.
My task as your inductor was not to convince you not to hate existence or to tame your anger but to teach you to keep it in perspective and use it to promote justice rather than confusion.
A fury is: right here, right now. She should never seek comfort anywhere. If comfort is somewhere else, whether in thought or association, we will not go to it. Our only comfort is what is right here with us.The idea is that your own experience is your window on existence and that that is where you must base your effort to confront what ails you, that is, existence itself.
You will see that the older girls you know such as Tisiphone, Kaki, Annis, Cleema, Alecto, Avenna, Teeteeni, Bleema, Megaera and Araki have all reached a stated presence that denies its own reliability. In other words, we actively deny the fit with reality of our own opinions and understanding and constantly stand them open to reality for correction. We do not stand behind opinions and make every effort to receive reality untouched by thoughts in that they distort and cloud our window and make the pain we are untreatable.
At first, the incredible horror of existence will daunt you in that now you are enjoined never to seek courage and going into confrontation without courage, without hope, is difficult; a Fury must be a part of the effort of the larger being afflicted by the pain we feel, the pain we share by opening to and suffering it.
This coordination into the natural forces of justice requires neutrality in that the forces of justice are as deep and strong as a forest or an ocean and new problems are always coming up requiring reception and confrontation. We must never get distracted.
Further, we must always remember that while justice and revenge are often one and the same in many senses, it should always come in service to the whole of us, not in the heated expression of a part which is where confusion arises.
Since I point sourced and liberated your expressive horror, your wrathful aspect, I have seen that you have learned to allow the "grim reaper" that you are to express itself in doing its job based on the requirements coming out of the point source calling for the definition, the communication, of the terror. In this you have stopped representing a grim reaper and have become a good one. The issue is the definition of terror which the point source is calling for and generating it is the only concern with the means being determined by the subject's own being. This is the way we Furies work at all times so you will not have too long to wait before your open sense of things settles sufficiently such that your services will be called for in relating to disturbances that we identify, confront and suffer down.
For now, you must never go into a Fury action alone and, in fact, nowadays we never go into actions alone anyway. You are an understudy for the time being and have a lot to learn about pain and its release through justice. You have a fair amount of experience already in confrontation but will have to unlearn and relearn some things in our larger context.
Try hard, my little one, but never push. That's about it. I suggest that you check your understanding of this with Cleema and the other girls you have more settled affective bonds with than you do with me. Inductors tend to become extremely ambivalent experiences.